WWE 13: Dissected, Weighed, and Heated in the Microwave for Dinner

WWE 13: Dissected, Weighed, and Heated in the Microwave for Dinner

wwe 13

The WWE13 Roster – 3 Leaping Lanny Poffos out of 5

by Jumpman

The players in WWE 13 have been graphically improved.  That much is good.  Now overall, the WWE rosters aren’t that bad, but I guess I wasn’t overly impressed with the depth of the playables.  It would be impossible to include everybody, but you don’t have Hardcore Holly?  He’s not with TNA like the Dudley Boyz or in jail like Jeff Hardy (is he out yet?).  If they have Gangrel (and they do), then you can have The Brood.  You have Too Cool, so that will be fun, but no ECW.  Why the heck not?  WWE owns the rights to ECW brand, so why not exploit this?  Was there more attitude than an organization that was almost “underground” with a huge cult following?  Whatever.  Screw ECW I guess.  You want to know what I’m waiting on?  An AWA vs WCCW video game.  Can you imagine the possibilities?  Fabulous Freebirds versus Von Erichs.  The Road Warriors without Sunny and before all the Nerf shoulderpads.  Rock N Roll ExpressMidnight Rockers.  Even Rock n Roll Buck Zumhofe! My mind has just been blown.  WWE, get on this right away.

In WWE 13 there are three different Triple Hs.  You get “regular” Triple H, Triple H (attitude era), and Hunter Hearst Helmsley.  Hey, why not include Jean-Paul Lévesque from Trips’ old WCW days?  He was kinda like Hunter Hearst Helmsely, right?

I’m totally excited about Grand Master Sexay, Brian Christopher.  Yes, he’s Jerry Lawler’s son, and I’m sure that had NOTHING to do with him getting in WWE 13, but I really liked him as a wrestler in the independents as well as the WWF.  It’s fun to play as him or Scotty Too HottyToo Cool was a great tag team gimmick for otherwise mid-card talent.  No offense.

If they’re going to include Godfather, why not also have Papa Shango?  Do you remember when Papa Shango possessed the Ultimate Warrior and he was vomiting and everything?  That was some of Warrior’s best acting ever.  Let’s relive THAT in a game.  Yes, and where is Ultimate Warrior?  Not exactly attitude era, but a legend nonetheless.

I get Vader being included, as well as X-Pac and the rest of DX and the New Age Outlaws, but Val Venis?  Really?  Hello Ladies!  Don’t get me wrong.  I liked the character.  I just don’t see Sean Morley’s character as being legendary.

Okay, so you get two different John Cena’s in WWE 13.  How underwhelming.  Do either of his personas have more than 5 moves?  Nope.  Just a chain.  Doctor of Thuganomics?  Give me a break.  Just throw Eric Bischoff into a trash truck again.  Those of us over 13 are kinda done with the gimmick.

Kharma?  Are you serious?  No offense to the entertainer, but how long was she around before she took her leave of absence (she was pregnant) and WWE didn’t re-sign her.  She was in like one storyline and that’s it.  Why is she a featured Diva in this game.  Good grief.  Why not Fabulous Moolah or Wendy Richter?

WWE 13 Gameplay: 4 Gorilla Monsoons out of 5

Gameplay in WWE 13 is close to what you experienced in WWE 12.  WWE 12 was the revolutionary change and departure from the “old series” most of us were familiar with.  That being said, there are some improvements.  The crowd and commentary are pulled (somewhat) from actual events.  That’s kinda cool in theory, but when you’re not “in sync with history” the commentary and crowd are the basic blah blah blah we are all used to.  The same is true for the camera angles.  Look, this is always going to be the problem in a game based on a television drama.  The drama has a storyline and certain things are supposed to happen, eliciting responses from cameras, crowds, commentators, and setting the story arc that is WWE RAW.  When you’re in a game, you are moving “your guy” where you want, executing the moves you want, and generally having your way with things.  That’s totally distinct from the way the television product works, so don’t be surprised when your AMAZING finisher gets a small pop from the crowd and is obscured by the camera while Good ol’ JR says “slobberknocker”.

Along with that is the reality of animating human beings “rasslin’”.  It’s hard to animate a game like this without there being some collision and random visual glitches.  Just suspend belief and be glad you’re not playing WCW Nitro (best part about that game was the intro clip for each wrestler).

What you’re going to like is the increased online play and the ability to use your created wrestlers (Mine is Rock n Roll Buck Zumhofe).  There are very few problems with lag and control so you’re in good shape when the Ayatollah of Rock n Rollah puts your opponent in the Walls of JerichoWWE Universe Mode (widely hyped as WWE Universe 3.0) is a lot of fun.  I like pretending I’m Eric Bishoff and creating my own weird pay per views way to often and hoping people buy them.  I also try to have more matches near my hometown.  There is a lot of room for customization and just generally messing around with stuff.  For me, this is one of the better features of WWE 13.

A Word About Attitude Era Mode in WWE 13

What I like most about the Attitude Era single player mode is the reward system in what is really just a chapter by chapter retelling of WWE history.  If you win the match that’s great, but if you stick to the history of events and choices you get super rewarded.  There are loads of WWE video clips and behind the scenes interviews that are a treat to watch.  It’s a nice feature for guys like me who watched it all go down years ago.  As a guy who lived for the Attitude Era and the Monday Night Wars, this is one heck of a fun way to play WWE 13.  Now get in there and be DX.

Conclusion WWE 13

WWE 13 is a lot of fun to play and goes deep if you’re a wrestling fan.  If you’re not a WWE fan and are looking for a fighting game, look elsewhere.  The graphics are improved from WWE 12 but there are still audio and camera issues that honestly, I don’t expect to ever get solved unless they have a single fixed camera.  Nobody wants that.  Lastly, WWE, I’m waiting on this AWA vs WCCW game.  I’m not joking.  You have the power to make this a reality.  Use your Tom Cruise witchcraft and do it.

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